3. Is It Right to Withhold One’s Reactions to Others?
It is not uncommon for us to withhold our reactions to others. We may hold back compliments for fear of embarrassment to them and to ourselves. We may hold back criticism for fear of being disliked or considered unfair, or for fear of hurting another person. Reactions given inconsiderately may indeed hurt others. On the other hand, some of us are inclined to withhold our reactions from others while at the same of us are inclined to withhold our reactions from others while at the same time we honestly prefer than they not hold back theirs from us. We may have two different rules. The first one may be: If we ask others for candid reactions to our behavior, to something we have done or plan to do, we want them to tell us straight, including the negative with the positive. The second rule may be: If someone else asks us for similar reactions, we are inclined to hold back or gloss over the negative and embroider the positive.
4. Criticism Is a Kind of Demand on Those Criticized
As children, many of us got a great deal of criticism and , as a result, learned a variety of patterns for coping with it. marya had apparently received little criticism, butt knowing that she was not perfect and deserved what other children got, developed her own patterns of self-judgment and censure. Being judged, whether we are underestimated or overestimated, usually implies a demand, subtle or direct, that we change. If others do not demand change, we may feel the need to demand it of ourselves.
Reactions that are relatively free from attempts to change or discredit us, given by someone who cares fro us, and with the intention of letting us know what impressions we are making, may be easier to take. If, however, our usual reaction is to defend ourselves, even mild criticism or impressions given gently without demands that we change may play havoc our defensive structure and become difficult to handle.
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